u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
