i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Randomize
