listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
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laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
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When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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