when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
