my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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