Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
