if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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