Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Randomize
