Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Randomize
