I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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