Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
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Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
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And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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