I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize