My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Randomize
