ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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