you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
