When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
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