Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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