He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
