So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Randomize
