I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
