So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize