At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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