I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
