very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
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They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
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Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
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