Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
