a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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