I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
So much rum. So many feels.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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