Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
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