I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
