if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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