what day is it and did you see me today?
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
