Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
