Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
