stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
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I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
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Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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