Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize