Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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