I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
