watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
