I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
