Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
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