I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
