I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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