The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
This baby is an asshole
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
