can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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