so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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