shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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