Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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