Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
