I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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