Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
