i would punch a child for taco bell
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize