WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
