you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
