evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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