Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
