did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
