3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
