ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
