my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
