i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
