So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I've blown a few things in my day
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Randomize
