Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
