Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
