I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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