i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
