Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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