Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
