There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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