he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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