Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
your room smells of hookers.
And success
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
